Choices and Loyalties: Act One
by Zeren Jade
Summary: Not yet the Champion, Szeren Hawke, a rogue, begins making choices that reveal where her later loyalties will lie. Act one of the game, focus on her early relationships with her companions, and especially with Bethany.
1. An Introduction

_The alley was quiet now; the mages had certainly chosen a quiet spot for their meeting. I had thought we could help them; they wouldn't listen. They believed all of Kirkwall to be their enemy. We had been forced to stop them. Cullen would be pleased, unfortunately._

"_Mages," Fenris said disgustedly, pulling his sword from the body of a dead blood mage. "All the same. The templars just do what needs to be done."_

_I spun on him fast enough to startle him. "That type of thinking keeps my sister locked away from me, away from her only family," I hissed at him. _

_I turned my back and started walking away, only to hear him say, "Too bad you don't realize they do it as much for her good as for everyone around her."_

_My blood froze; I slowly turned back to him, unable to find words in the midst of an overwhelming anger. Isabela and Aveline stood near, watching for my reaction. "How dare you compare her to them!" I pointed to the ground and stepped closer to him._

"_She is a mage just as they are. None of them can be trusted."_

_We stood facing each other, neither willing to back off. "Don't you see?" I asked. "People like you are the reason they resort to such measures." I lowered my voice, "The blood they spill is on your hands as well."_

_He stood up straighter and shrugged, "It's no use. It would be impossible to reason with one who makes friends with blood mages," he pointed at Merrill. "Not to mention, sharing her bed with an abomination."_

"You should have seen her! She drew her blade and had it at his throat before he even knew it. If Aveline hadn't been there…well, let's just say that I certainly wouldn't have gotten in her way," Isabela said as she took a drink.

"Damn him," Anders muttered. "Where is she?" he demanded.

"She left with Aveline and Merril," she took another drink. "To Merril's house I think."

Anders stood to go but Varric stopped him. "Wait just a second, Blondie. She'll be fine without you for a minute longer. Don't you want to hear the rest of the story?" He looked to Isabela.

"What?" Isabela asked, annoyed. "Aveline stopped her. I made sure Fenris didn't follow her. The end," she rolled her eyes.

"Fenris," Varric muttered. "You'd think he'd learn. Even after all the help Hawke gave him…but he still shoots that mouth off to her."

"That bastard. I don't know why Szeren ever did help him. Thanks for the drink Varric," Anders said as he stood quickly to leave.

"Don't see how he can get so angry," Isabela said to Varric, as Anders walked out the door. "It's his fault she gets in all that trouble over mages."

"No, not quite," answered Varric. "Her father was an apostate; her sister's locked in the Circle. She'd get into that trouble whether he was around or not."


	2. A Conversation

It was late. Szeren had dragged me along to the Hanged Man. She was supposed to meet some of her friends. I hadn't really wanted to go along, but I could never say no to her. So there I was. We walked in the door, past a group of loud drunks and looked for the others. They had seen Szeren as soon as we walked in; it was always like that with her. She had a way of getting everyone's attention without even trying, and in fact sometimes I wondered if she even noticed. At any rate, she smiled at them across the tavern—Varric, Anders, and Isabela—and started heading their direction, pulling me along behind her. The Hanged Man seemed especially crowded that night, but eventually we made our way to the far corner where they were.

Varric was seated across the table from Anders, and Isabela had moved a little ways off behind him, talking to someone I'd never seen before. And probably didn't want to know, when I thought about it.

"Hawke!" Varric shouted at my sister, as we reached the table. "About time you get here. Isabela and I have quite the story for you."

"I can hardly wait," Szeren rolled her eyes, smiling widely though. "And hello to you, Anders," she said from his side.

"Always good to see you, Hawke," he smiled back, having to look up at her standing next to him. "And you, of course, Bethany," he said to me, politely I thought.

"Come on, Hawke. Isabela's around here somewhere," Varric said, shoving his way through the tavern with Szeren behind him.

Anders' eyes followed my sister for a moment before he looked back at me. "Have a seat, Bethany. A drink?" he asked.

"No, thank you," I said, taking the seat Varric had vacated.

"I didn't think so," he smiled. "No worries, between those three they'll more than make up for both of us," he laughed, holding up a barely touched pint. "I don't know what they have to tell her, but they've been waiting all evening. And, honestly, with those two I don't think I mind not knowing."

I smiled. "She's been waiting to get here. Listening our mother and Gamlen bicker at the house was about to drive her mad."

"I can imagine," he said with a chuckle.

Anders and I hadn't talked much. In fact, probably never without Szeren around so I wasn't sure what to talk about. I hadn't trusted him like she had, I still didn't. He apparently was at a loss as to what to say as well, since he stared at his drink for a moment. I was starting to wish I had just once not listened to Szeren and stayed behind at home.

"So, tell me something," Anders finally said. "What was she like before? Szeren, I mean."

"Before?" I asked, not sure what he meant.

"You know, before Kirkwall and all this mess. What was she like back in Ferelden?"

I wasn't sure how to answer, I had never thought about it before. I looked over my shoulder to see her standing near the bar with Varric and Isabela. She was laughing a good deal at whatever it was they were telling her. _The same old Szeren_, I thought to myself. I turned back to Anders, "She hasn't changed much," I said. "Maybe less serious here. We always had to keep to ourselves a good deal in Lothering."

Anders nodded, looking in Szeren's direction. "Do you miss your old home?" he asked, looking back at me.

"Yes," I answered without thinking. "It's like remembering a dream though, everything I knew is gone."

"Would you go back? If you could."

I thought for a moment before answering. I thought of our home in Lothering, my parents, Szeren…and Carver. And then my mind rushed forward to the darkspawn, and fleeing for our lives. "No, there's nothing left there for me."

"Yes. You all went through a lot to get here," Anders replied quietly. "What about Szeren?"

I thought for a moment, and replied "If you ask her, she'll still call Ferelden home. But she never speaks of going back." We were quiet for a moment. "You know," I continued, "she might never admit it but Kirkwall has grown on her—the city suits her. Lothering was always too small," I smiled thinking of all the trouble Szeren caused.

Anders smiled too, "I would imagine," he said. "Sometimes Kirkwall doesn't seem big enough for her. I imagine there wasn't enough trouble to cause there."

I laughed, "Oh, you'd be surprised at how much she managed to find—or make."

He looked back in Szeren's direction. I peered over my shoulder again, just in time to see her steal Isabela's drink behind her back—no small feat. Isabela never missed much.

"Probably not surprised," Anders laughed.

"Yes, I suppose you're right."

We were quiet for another moment. "So, I take it you're the reason Szeren doesn't have…typical ideas about mages," he said, leaning across the table slightly.

I looked up quickly at him, no matter who said that it would always sound like an accusation to me. "Yes…" I said, not sure how to continue. "She's always had to look out for me. Ever since we were young."

"You've been lucky to have her," Anders said.

"I have been lucky. I don't know about her though. It's always seemed like I've been such a burden. Especially since our father's been gone."

"I can't imagine her saying you were a burden, Bethany."

"No, she would never say it. But I know how hard she's always worked to keep me safe, in Lothering and now in Kirkwall. That's part of the reason she always made so much trouble—to keep everyone's eyes off of me she would say, especially the templars of course." I was surprised to be telling him so much, but there had never been anyone else to tell. I continued, "Carver never understood like she did. Our father tried to get him to listen, but I think he always blamed my father and I for our magic. Szeren was never that way. She even told me once that she knew it was just by chance that it was me instead of her."

Anders nodded, just as Szeren walked up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder, and leaned so her face was right next to mine.

"So! What are my two apostates plotting?" she asked, grinning conspiratorially.

"Szeren!" I said, "Don't say things like that. People could hear!"

Anders' laugh caught me off guard before I could continue. "Oh nothing too terrible," he smiled up at her.

"Well, it would have to be pretty good to top what I just heard from them," she gestured over her shoulder to Isabela and Varric.

"Actually, I was just telling Bethany how lucky she is to have a sister like you."

Szeren looked back at him and smiled. Then she looked down at me for a moment before sitting down and turning back to him, "She's my sister, Anders. I would do anything for her, simple as that."


	3. A Decision to Regret

"_I'm sorry Hawke, after everything we've been through…I should be going with you," Aveline said, as we sat in the guards' hall after her shift._

_ "It's alright, Aveline. The guard is important to you; I can't expect you to drop it for me," I said, even though I was disappointed. With Aveline in line to be captain she couldn't leave long enough for the expedition, something I hadn't exactly counted on._

_ "Still, it doesn't feel right letting you go by yourself."_

_ "It's alright, mother dear. I'm a grown-up girl now," I smirked._

_ She gave me that exasperated look she saved just for my jokes. "That's not what I meant, Hawke."_

_ "I know, it's just so fun to upset you. But, to be serious I will feel a little better with you here to watch out for Bethany."I hadn't been able to feel alright about leaving Bethany behind—I was always there to watch out for her._

_ "So you decided she won't be going?" Aveline asked, not quite surprised._

_ "Yes," I replied and thought for a moment before continuing. "I just…it's too dangerous. Who knows what will be down there. I would feel better if she stayed."_

_ "Have you discussed this with her yet?"_

_ "No, I was waiting until tonight, after I spoke with you."_

_ "Well, you know I'll keep an eye on her, Hawke."_

_ "I do, thank you."_

My thoughts were interrupted by a cry in the next room. I sat in the back room of Anders' clinic while he saw to a boy who was injured. I had come straight from speaking with Aveline, a long walk but I needed it. She wouldn't be heading into the Deep Roads with me and I needed to let Anders know the change of plans.

I waited, looking over what I could see of the clinic from my seat. It was small and out of the way—and much cleaner than any other part of Darktown. The door into the next room was open; I could see Anders kneeling over the boy while the father looked on worriedly. The boy had looked like he wouldn't have made it much longer without help. Apparently he had some sort of fall; he had been white as a ghost and blood had been all down his side.

The room I sat in was Anders' own quarters—quite sparse. It had one table, where I sat with three chairs around it; a bed in the far back corner with a chest at its foot; and piles of parchments, what they contained I had no idea. As I studied the room I heard footsteps coming my way. I looked over to see Anders heading my direction, looking exhausted from healing the boy. I looked past him to see the father and son walking away, the boy's hand in his father's.

"He's alright," Anders said, stopping just inside the doorway and leaning on the frame.

"He wouldn't have been without you. You do a lot of good here," I said, thinking of other people I had seen Anders help since I had met him.

"I try," he said. "But there's only so much I can do."

"Still, it's more than anyone else would think to do in this part of Kirkwall."

He smiled a little, but then changed the subject, "I'm sure this isn't what you're here about, is it?"

"Unfortunately not, although that would be nicer," I said. "Everything is just about settled for the expedition."

"I thought that's what I heard Varric say. And to think, I thought I had gotten away from the only person who could talk me into going to the Deep Roads," he said with a slight laugh. He walked to the table and pulled out a chair for himself, "Then, all the way in Kirkwall…" he said dramatically, with a grin.

"Glad I could convince you," I smiled back.

"Well, considering all your help seems to me I owe it to you."

"You don't," I stopped him. "Thank you for agreeing to go; I know you didn't have to. But, I will feel better with you along. Since you're a Grey Warden, and all," I threw in quickly.

"Not many people would say that," he said quietly. "Warden or not."

"Well, I say it. And I mean it. But, I have another favor to ask—maybe not a favor exactly. A request, I suppose."

Anders leaned back in his chair, "I'm not going to like this request very much, am I?"

"Not particularly," I answered. "Turns out Aveline can't get away from the guards after all."

"Ah," he said. "So, that means…"

"Fenris will be going. Only if you agree, I can't have the two of you killing each other down there," I tried so sound light-hearted, but it was an actual concern.

"Us? Fight? I don't know where you get these ideas, Hawke," he chuckled. "I'm already going to the Deep Roads for you, I suppose I can deal with a little unpleasant company," he sighed.

I was relieved, I half-expected an angry speech about prejudice against mages when I brought Fenris up. "Oh good, thanks Anders. That's just about everything settled then, just have to wait on the word from Varric. Now, I have to go tell Bethany," I sighed.

"She wants to go on the expedition?" he asked.

"She's afraid of being in Kirkwall alone," I answered. "Because of the templars."

* * *

I left to get home from Anders' clinic, dreading the conversation I was about to have. I opened the door, it was quite quiet. Gamlen had holed himself up in the back, mother sat reading, and Bethany was in our bedroom. Even the mabari was asleep. I walked back to Bethany; she had a torn robe across the bed to patch up.

"Hey, Beth," I said as I walked in.

"Szeren, I didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry, do you have a minute?" I asked, hoping just a bit that she would say no.

"Of course," she said, turning to me and setting aside what she was working on.

I turned for a moment and shut the door, then walked over to sit next to my sister on the bed. I looked at her for a moment as she waited for me to speak. "Look, it's about the expedition."

"Oh," she said. "Is everything about ready?" she asked.

I looked away from her, she seemed too interested. "Pretty much. But, there's something I needed to tell you, about who will be going," I looked back up at her and saw that her expression had changed to one that didn't conceal her worry. I continued, "Varric said there were supplies for myself and two others, I've asked Anders and Fenris to go."

"You mean…you're leaving me here in Kirkwall," her voice sounded hurt.

"It's for the best, Bethany. The Deep Roads are dangerous, I can't risk taking you down there," I looked her in the eye, I wanted her to know I was only doing what I thought was best.

"Risk?" she asked harshly, standing up and looking down at me. "But you don't mind risking me to the templars?" she turned back to me and glared.

"If there's anyone who knows how to stay clear of them, it's you," I tried to calm her.

She was silent. I don't know that I had seen her this made before, but I wouldn't change my mind. "We've gone through everything together, Szeren. Why are you doing this alone?"

"Because I chose this," I said frustrated, standing to my feet as well. "Trying to get on with the expedition was my idea—I can't put you at risk for it as well."

"You're not letting me make a choice, sister," she said icily. "You're telling me."

I knew she was right, but I thought I was protecting her. "I'm just doing what I feel will be best for our family. Who knows what we'll find down there."

"You know what will be here? Templars. Lots of them, Szeren. And me, by myself."

"Aveline said she would watch out for you, I know you'll be fine."

She didn't say anything else, just walked out and slammed the door in my face behind her. A later came later that night from Varric—we would be leaving in four days.


End file.
